Today marks 20 weeks and this pregnancy is still somewhat surreal to me mainly because I really haven't felt much movement from the baby yet, if any at all. Because I have an anterior placenta, my OB told me that I might not feel any of the movement until 20-22 weeks. I must admit that I am starting to get impatient. As someone who has experienced multiple losses, it is still hard to accept this pregnancy as a reality especially because I have been waiting and waiting for a physical sign of life that I can feel. I think I will start to feel more attached to this pregnancy once I can feel the baby bouncing around in there more often. There have been a few times over the past week where I thought I may be feeling a kick or punch or something, but I am honestly not sure.
Another ironic pregnancy symptom I've been experiencing is increased vaginal discharge. All of the books and websites say this is completely normal, but I'll tell you what, as someone who has had multiple miscarriages, this symptom is enough to drive me crazy. I'm constantly holding my breath every time I go to the bathroom because I am afraid one time it isn't going to be just plain ol' increased vaginal discharge.
I also occasionally get these sharp pinching jolts of pain in the right side of my abdomen. Because they only seem to happen in the same spot, even though they are not all that frequent, it has been freaking me out a bit. It's probably just this round ligament pain I have been reading about, but I will be asking about it at our monthly appointment next week.
I haven't been able to bring myself to start thinking about childbirth classes, nursery decorations or baby registries yet. I still feel awkward talking about my pregnancy with friends and co-workers who keep fussing over me and asking me all sorts of questions. I wish I was able to embrace this pregnancy with 100% joy, but the scars I have from our other losses have been holding me back some. I am just thankful at each appointment that everything seems to be progressing as it should be and I have been taking this pregnancy one appointment at a time.