No IVF This Month After All

Rewind to Wednesday afternoon when it was CD26 - I started spotting dark brown stuff, usually a sign that the red witch is about to make a full fledged appearance in the next day or so.  This continued on through Thursday only a bit heavier, but still dark brownish black and what I would describe as almost tar-like, but lighter. I took a HPT on Thursday evening because I planned to call my clinic on Friday to discuss my concerns with our upcoming first IVF cycle.  Come Friday, the spotting had diminished somewhat, but still the color of "old blood" and no sign of any red.  I spoke with a nurse Friday afternoon, described what had been going on and confirmed that so long as the full flow started on or before Sunday that I should start taking the birth control pills for the IVF cycle.  She told me that even if I got full flow on or before Sunday I could wait until Wednesday to start taking the pills because they were going to have to push back my cycle a bit because their move to the new facility has been delayed (I mentioned my concern with this possibility in my last post, guess my gut was right on that one).  My hubby and I talked about it yesterday and decided that we would rather wait until the clinic has relocated and is up and running and fully functional before we drop a buttload of cash on IVF only to have our cycle disrupted and possibly cancelled because of the move which isn't "set in stone" yet.

Last night we had dinner with one of my co-workers and his long-time girlfriend.   She had an accident a few years ago that has left her paralyzed.  They are truly an amazing couple and after I recently opened up about our fertility struggles, my co-worker confided in me that they also had been trying for over a year without any success.  While we were hanging out, they told us that she had just confirmed earlier in the day that she was miscarrying.  We are heartbroken for them because we are all too familiar with experiencing pregnancy loss and given the struggles she has already had because of her accident, this miscarriage just seems too cruel.  We had a few drinks and spent most of the rest of the night talking about fertility issues and commisserating about how people say the dumbest and most insensitive things.  I shared our plans to start IVF this month and told her about the reluctance I was feeling at this point and the fact that the red witch wasn't really being cooperative at the moment.

This morning I woke up, checked for red and flow before going to the bathroom and when I still wasn't greeted by the red witch, I decided to pee on a stick again as it is CD 29 (one of my longer cycles) and I have been debating about filling the prescription for the birth control pills today.  This put a little kink in our IVF plans for this month:

I went back to bed, where hubby was still half-asleep, and told him matter-of-factly, "there are two lines."  We have been robbed of the joy of sharing pregnancy news by surprise and in some cute way because of our three miscarriages.  It's all very clinical now.

I called my RE's answering service to request bloodwork.  After the woman who answered my initial call got my name, DOB and doctor's name, I told her that I wanted to speak to the doctor on call.  She responded, "are you pregnant?"  I said, "I might be, that's why I am calling.  I've had three miscarriages and now I have a positive HPT, but I'm bleeding."  She then proceeded to say, "Okay, I'll take your call.  Someone should call you within 20 minutes."  She'll TAKE my call?????  What was that all about???  If I wasn't pregnant or my reason for wanting to talk to the doctor on call wasn't good enough, she wouldn't refer me???  Whatever. 

Anyway, a doctor I've never heard of called me back almost immediately and got me in for bloodwork today.  Based on first impressions, she was awesome.  She didn't treat me like I was crazy or overreacting or blow me off and tell me I should wait to come in on Monday.  She isn't one of the REs so she must be one of the OB/GYNs on staff.  I think I might see if she is accepting new patients since I need to find a new OB/GYN anyway.  She called me back about an hour ago and told me that I'm pregnant.  HCG was 55.  That actually seems like a pretty decent number for me on CD29 based on my past records.  My first beta on my last pregnancy was 109 on CD31 - that was an IUI assisted pregnancy.  The pregnancy before that one was au natural, but I didn't get a positive HPT (which was super faint) until CD33 and my first beta on CD34 was only 37.

I should be happy, right? Instead I feel a bit numb.  Maybe the fourth time is a charm??  I don't know what to think anymore.  Why can't I just miss my period without any signs of bleeding so I don't have to constantly wonder what the heck is going on down there?  Is that too much to ask???